Your Bastard Children Should Not Have Your Name

The big feminist topic of the Oughts is the whole last-name issue. In short: if a woman marries a dude, should she take his last name? Keep her last name? Hyphenate? Make a whole new name? And what should their kids be named?
Fuck, let's just tell the truth. And the truth is, there is no good reason to change your last name, ever. There are no advantages, and tons of disadvantages to changing your last name. If the last name you were born with is something horrible like "Vandergoosenburgen" or "Hitler", you might want to change your surname to a name that you like and is suited to your first name. Why do married people have to have matching last names? Do they have to get matching haircuts too? Ridiculous.
Which surname should be passed down to the children? I'll tell you who the kids should be named after: they should be named after the person who spent thirty hours pushing them out of their vagina. Which is the woman, in 99.9% of cases. People, life isn't Maury. Paternity tests are not 100%. The only parent who can be sure the kid is theirs is the mother, since, you know, the kid came out of her body.
Vulvatron OUT!