Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Any of yous ever agree to meet up with a man friend that, while you may have chatted online with / texted / emailed, twittered, whatever; you haven't seen, in person, for a few months? I know all you's got that NPOA* you keep around, waiting in the wings, an insurance policy against breakups, boredom, or the boyfriend being out of town for a few days, but ladies, just like it's important to change your oil and keep fresh batteries in the smoke detector, it's important to periodically check and make sure your back-up plan hasn't manimorphed.

I cannot stress this enough. It takes a woman years to "let herself go". Ladies, men have the ability to go from fab to fug in a matter of days. I work in a lab so believe me, I know.

Let's talk about this one guy I know. Let's call him Vince, because that's his name. Vince is an old friend, and before Maria says anything, I HAVE NEVER SLEPT WITH / DONE ANYTHING WITH VINCE. Never happened, never gonna happen, BECAUSE HE'S A MANIMORPH.

Vince is a solid 7 or 8, when he takes care of himself. He's tall, he's got a nice face, he has good hair, a nice body, and he dresses well without throwing off the gay vibe. My mother always asks why I don't just marry that nice Vince fellow. Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, he stops working out, starts eating bagel bites and big macs for dinner, and grows a neckbeard and an enormous unibrow. This man can go from a 7 or 8 to a pity 2. And then, after a couple of months like that, he's back to his usual self. This cycle repeats 2x or 3x per year. It's truly bizzare.

Vince is extreme, but any NPOA can be transformed into an unrecognizable schlub by a bad haircut or an ill-advised moustache. Even if he looks okay when you guys hook up, it pays to make sure he's not prone to this kind of bullshit. You don't want one of your girlfriends to run into your fugified POA and ride you on it.

Vulvatron out!

*"Piece of Ass" or "Nice Piece of Ass", shortened because I like acronyms.

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